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User talk:EpicBro Gamez Retchetpsute
Likferd (talk) 02:37, December 2, 2014 (UTC) Plagiarism warning Your poem heavily cribbed lines from this without giving any credit/citation. The next incident like this and you will be given a month ban. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:39, December 2, 2014 (UTC) Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Poems from the Smiling Stranger page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! EmpyrealInvective (talk) 03:40, December 2, 2014 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:14, December 4, 2014 (UTC) Story.. Your story was deleted as it didn't meet quality standards due to punctuation, capitalization, wording, and plot issues. Punctuation issues, commas are missing where they should be utilized "Paul(,) it's not that bad-", "Paul(,) please calm down-", "Ssssh, don't say a word.", "When I find that psychopath(,/.) I'm gonna-". Question marks lacking when questions are asked. "Not that bad!(?)" Wording issues: "Paul ran into the house with great speed(comma missing) running into the bedroom," (Redundancy with the word running used twice.), "o n the bed. Jasmine was lying there in a pool of blood." Capitalization issues: "What the Fu-", "Good Night." The poems are pretty clunky as well. "Your beauty is unmatched. / Watching you from afar has been enlightening. Your marriage has made you latched. / Don't fret when you lack lighting." "Your beauty is without taint. / Though your husband is tall and harsh. / The sight of you nearly makes me faint. / I should bury your husband in the marsh." These rhymes really feel forced and awkward. Finally the plot just seems to be a re-hashing of the first story. (Which is M4R currently for quality/spinoff issues.) It really seems like you're tying to make a series, but are rushing through plots. (This one was basically the unwanted house guest hacking a police report to read/delete the contents. There really isn't any plot/drive here. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:42, December 4, 2014 (UTC) Smilling Stranger A lot of the same issues I found with the sequel were present in this original so I won't go too in-depth. Commas missing where needed: "Mrs. Connors(,) is there anything else you can tell us about this man?" Capitalization errors: "...face. when (When) the doorbell rang.", "she (She) walked...", "as (As) Jennifer made her way downstairs she called out(comma missing) "H-hello? is (Is) there anybody there?", ""Good Night (night)." As for the similarities between the unwanted house guest and the smiling stranger; in your words: "The Unwanted Houseguest breaks into your house and watches you while you sleep. The Smiling Stranger, on the other hand watches you from afar, then breaks into your house and watches you 24/7, then murders you." There isn't a whole lot of difference between the two. Both invade your home, watching the inhabitants, and terrorize you. Both have the same appearance. (Especially regarding their smile, eyes, and clothing.) For reference here is the smiling stranger and here is the unwanted house guest. Note the eyes (black circled) clothes {hooded) And when your original story was posted, it even took lines from the animeme rap battle featuring "The Unwanted Houseguest." Your story just adds a little onto the methodology of the character. Frankly that is more than enough to say if it isn't a direct spinoff, it is cribbing major elements from the meme. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:41, December 6, 2014 (UTC) :I would strongly suggest looking over my review above. There are some pretty large issues with the story itself and similarities to The Unwanted Houseguest. here is a guide that addresses the issues with creating a story for a OC/creepypasta characters. I can't stop you from re-writing it, but I would really advise against it. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:13, March 16, 2015 (UTC)